your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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