Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
