Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
