that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
