you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
