"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
