I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
