Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
