Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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