i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
