There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
