For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
