Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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