I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
