I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
