I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You took a bar mat shot.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
