He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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