I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
