i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
