On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
