it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
