dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
