I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
