idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
