You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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