you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
