I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
