did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
