I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
