Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
