i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
