I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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