why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
