Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
