I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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