Will you blow on my dice?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
