youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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