You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
