I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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