I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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