mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
