pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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