all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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