Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
