My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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