the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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