i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
