i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
