her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
