So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
